Klaus Schadenfreude
2017-06-21 19:16:31 UTC
The basement, dark and smelling of underwear worn far too long, is lit
by a single, bare 25 watt bulb hanging from frayed wires. The sound of
huffing from several different dark corners permeates the room.
Head Nazi: [entering and looking around] Man, I hate having meetings
at Razovic's place.
Others: Huff huff huff huff huff....
Head Nazi: Jeeze, you think you guys could stop huffing glue long
enough to bring this meeting to order?
Others: [huffing quietly]
Head Nazi: Now then, let's start with the pledge, shall we?
Others: We love Hitler, He is great! We think of him when we
masturbate!
Head Nazi: Excellent. Now, let's address the problem at hand, namely
Razovic's inability to holocaust a Jew.
Others: [Huffing stops except for Razovic]
Head Nazi: Razovic! Sit in the Reich Chair of Truth!
Others [to each other] Not the Reich Chair of Truth!
Head Nazi: As you know, when sitting in the Reich Chair of Truth, you
will be unable to lie!
Razovic: [meekly sits in the chair, the seat of which allegedly
contains Hitler's missing testicle]
Head Nazi: So! [slowly circling around the seated Razovic] Did you
contact Finkelstein and tell him you were going to holocaust him?
Razovic: Yes!
Head Nazi: And when did you tell him you were going to do this?
Razovic: July.
Head Nazi: And did you demand that he give you his location?
Razovic: Yes.
Head Nazi: His EXACT location?
Razovic: [proudly] Yes
Head Nazi: And how long ago was this?
Razovic: several weeks
[crowd murmurs]
Head Nazi: Has he been holocausted?
Razovic: Well..... [Reich Chair of Truth begins to vibrate]
Razovic: No.
Head Nazi: May I ask-- *WHY* !!!!!???
[urine begins to seep through Razovic's pants and run down one leg of
the Chair of Truth]
Razovic: He... um.... he won't confirm his name.
Head Nazi: [snidely] Are you afraid you will holocaust the WRONG Jew?
Is that it?
Razovic: [brightening] Yeah! Yeah, that's it!
The Reich Chair of Truth somersaults three times and lands with a
crash on top of Razovic
Others: HE LIED!
Head Nazi: What is the real reason?
Razovic: He won't fill out the proper form!
The Reich Chair of Truth sails up to the ceiling, the legs detach, and
each one begins to beat Razovic mercilessly.
Head Nazi: You have one more chance to tell the truth.
[The Reich Chair of Truth reassembles itself, settles to the floor,
and Razovic nervously sits down]
Razovic: OK! OK! I'm afraid! I'm afraid I'll get Nuremberged!
Others: [whispering] Nuremberged!
Head Nazi: As your punishment, for the next six months, you will be
required to post more excuses on why you are afraid to Holocaust
Finkelstein so I have something entertaining to read on Usenet.
Razovic: But... but....
Head Nazi: And for God's sake, clean this dump up and open a fucking
window every once in a while! Dismissed!
by a single, bare 25 watt bulb hanging from frayed wires. The sound of
huffing from several different dark corners permeates the room.
Head Nazi: [entering and looking around] Man, I hate having meetings
at Razovic's place.
Others: Huff huff huff huff huff....
Head Nazi: Jeeze, you think you guys could stop huffing glue long
enough to bring this meeting to order?
Others: [huffing quietly]
Head Nazi: Now then, let's start with the pledge, shall we?
Others: We love Hitler, He is great! We think of him when we
masturbate!
Head Nazi: Excellent. Now, let's address the problem at hand, namely
Razovic's inability to holocaust a Jew.
Others: [Huffing stops except for Razovic]
Head Nazi: Razovic! Sit in the Reich Chair of Truth!
Others [to each other] Not the Reich Chair of Truth!
Head Nazi: As you know, when sitting in the Reich Chair of Truth, you
will be unable to lie!
Razovic: [meekly sits in the chair, the seat of which allegedly
contains Hitler's missing testicle]
Head Nazi: So! [slowly circling around the seated Razovic] Did you
contact Finkelstein and tell him you were going to holocaust him?
Razovic: Yes!
Head Nazi: And when did you tell him you were going to do this?
Razovic: July.
Head Nazi: And did you demand that he give you his location?
Razovic: Yes.
Head Nazi: His EXACT location?
Razovic: [proudly] Yes
Head Nazi: And how long ago was this?
Razovic: several weeks
[crowd murmurs]
Head Nazi: Has he been holocausted?
Razovic: Well..... [Reich Chair of Truth begins to vibrate]
Razovic: No.
Head Nazi: May I ask-- *WHY* !!!!!???
[urine begins to seep through Razovic's pants and run down one leg of
the Chair of Truth]
Razovic: He... um.... he won't confirm his name.
Head Nazi: [snidely] Are you afraid you will holocaust the WRONG Jew?
Is that it?
Razovic: [brightening] Yeah! Yeah, that's it!
The Reich Chair of Truth somersaults three times and lands with a
crash on top of Razovic
Others: HE LIED!
Head Nazi: What is the real reason?
Razovic: He won't fill out the proper form!
The Reich Chair of Truth sails up to the ceiling, the legs detach, and
each one begins to beat Razovic mercilessly.
Head Nazi: You have one more chance to tell the truth.
[The Reich Chair of Truth reassembles itself, settles to the floor,
and Razovic nervously sits down]
Razovic: OK! OK! I'm afraid! I'm afraid I'll get Nuremberged!
Others: [whispering] Nuremberged!
Head Nazi: As your punishment, for the next six months, you will be
required to post more excuses on why you are afraid to Holocaust
Finkelstein so I have something entertaining to read on Usenet.
Razovic: But... but....
Head Nazi: And for God's sake, clean this dump up and open a fucking
window every once in a while! Dismissed!